One dinner time, or lunch (I can't remember which), we spent a very long time preparing a dinner that we 'knew' the girls would love. When we went to serve it, the looks on their faces told us everything before they inevitably said they didn't want it. But using words that cut deep (disgusting, yucky). They had eaten it before and loved it. But today, it was the worst thing on the planet. One point blank wouldn't eat it and didn't. The other begrudgingly did but very unenthusiastically. It broke our spirit that day. But it wasn't their faults. We hadn't involved them in the planning nor discussed it. We didn't think we needed to do so.
For a while, dinner in our house was a recurring argument. Just a different day. Someone didn't want what was on the table. Someone had already decided they didn't like it before they'd tried it. Someone wanted something else entirely. And we were the people who'd spent twenty minutes cooking it.
Meal planning is the obvious solution. It's also the thing that sounds simple, gets tried once, and then quietly abandoned — usually towards the end of a month, when you've run out of motivation and the plan sheet is still on the fridge showing last month's, or last week's meals.
Why family meal planning fails
The most common reason meal planning doesn't stick is that it's done by one person, for everyone else. The planner does all the work, everyone else inherits the results, and nobody has any investment in it beyond mild approval or loud disapproval at the table.
The fix isn't a better spreadsheet. It's changing who's involved in making the plan.
Let children pick (within reason)
The most effective thing we did was give each child a part in meal planning. Sometimes, we gave them a free choice of a meal. Not a free-for-all — it has to be something we can realistically make, from ingredients we can reasonably get, that at least two other people will eat. But within those constraints, the choice is theirs.
What happened next surprised me. Yes, they picked the usuals (e.g. Chicken nuggets and chips), but they also started to think of meals that they considered to be healthier. Often picking vegetables out to ensure a variety.
When children choose a meal, we found they are more likely to eat it. More than that — they look forward to it. They ask "is it my option?" They sometimes want to help cook it. The entire dynamic around that meal changes because they have ownership of it.
Making the planning a ritual, not a chore
The best version of family meal planning we've found is a ten-minute conversation, once a week, where everyone says what they'd like and we build the week around it. No forms, no elaborate systems — just a conversation that ends with a plan on the board.
Sunday evening works well for this. We are not perfect at this, our family is still a work in progress, but we try to discuss it at the kitchen table before, during, and after our meal. We don't push it too hard, but gently including their options and preferences. Sometimes, it's been as simple as using a previously agreed and saved meal plan that everybody loved. That's the reason Harthena has a saved meal plan week. It was so that we could reuse what turned out to be a very successful week easily.
The key is consistency. When it happens every week at roughly the same time, it becomes part of the family rhythm rather than a task on the to-do list.
What to do with the picky eater
Every family has one. The child who will only eat a small number of foods with intense conviction. The child who can detect a new ingredient from across the table.
A few things that have helped:
- The "try it" rule, not the "eat it" rule. Requiring a child to eat something creates a battle. Requiring them to try it — one bite, no drama — keeps it low-stakes and often results in them eating more than expected.
- Serving new foods alongside safe ones. A plate with one new thing and two familiar things is less threatening than an unfamiliar meal. The safe foods lower the stakes.
- Involving them in making it. Children are dramatically more likely to eat food they've helped prepare. Even just stirring, pouring, or arranging on a plate creates enough ownership to change the outcome.
- Not short-order cooking. Consistently offering alternatives to the family meal sends the message that the main meal is optional. One meal, one table, no drama.
We didn't want our children to go hungry, but we also didn't want to send the wrong message. So, when our youngest, and fussiest eater, doesn't want something; the condition is it must have been tried. Then she can pick from whatever is left over (we always plan on freezing some, so there's usually something) from the days before, fruit, or make herself a sandwich. This took the 'all or nothing' high-stakes off the table, so to speak. With the pressure off, we find she will often eat at least something from the planned meal. Sometimes, she'll eat it all. The latter is far more frequent now than it has ever been.
Keeping a rotation you actually use
The goal with meal planning isn't culinary variety — it's reducing the daily decision burden. A rotation of fifteen to twenty meals that everyone in the family will eat is more valuable than an ever-expanding recipe collection you never cook from.
When you know your regulars — the meals that always work, that everyone tolerates or actively enjoys, that you can make on autopilot — planning becomes much easier. You're slotting familiar meals around the odd new experiment, not starting from scratch every week.
Our little ones love pasta. That's by far the most common request. Sometimes, when they are poorly, it's simply pasta and tomato sauce (Ketchup). They love it in a variety of ways. Me, less so. Had it far too much, but that's the beauty of meal plans. We can ensure we have those whilst putting something in for everyone.
The shopping connection
The natural extension of meal planning is a shared shopping list. When the week's meals are agreed, the ingredients list almost writes itself — and if children have been involved in choosing meals, they often want to be involved in the shopping too.
Taking children shopping with a purpose (they're in charge of finding the pasta, they're carrying the basket) is a completely different experience from trailing around behind you. It definitely made shopping with my girls a nicer experience. I still get the occasional: "can we put this 'sugary unhealthy thing' in the basket too please dad". But they already know what we're looking for and they want to help find it too.
When the plan falls apart
Life intervenes. The plan will fall apart regularly — someone's tired, someone's late, the ingredient you needed is out of stock. Meal planning isn't a rigid commitment; it's a scaffold. Having a plan makes it easier to deviate from it intelligently rather than staring into a fridge at 6pm with nothing decided.
The nights the plan goes out of the window and you make eggs on toast are still better for having had a plan, because the rest of the week ran smoothly.
More often than not, our evening meals stay on track. We still struggle to sort lunches out in advance, especially with everyone going to school or work. That's my next challenge, make diverse lunch options a possibility for the family but with planning ahead of time. Not there yet, but we're always improving.
If you've ever recognised any of this, Harthena is what we built to make it manageable — free to try, no card needed.
Try Harthena with your family
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